I feel as if I’ve been wanting to write a blog for a very long gestation period. It’s been cooking in my head  and it feels like a pregnancy, waiting to give birth to something I am so excited about but also know so little about. It’s the unknown.

I remember bringing my oldest son home from the hospital two days after his little eight-pound self was born. My husband carried him into our house all wrapped up like a burrito and placed him, still sleeping in his car seat. in the middle of our living room. He paused, looked at me and said “Now what?” I distinctly recall this moment because, for an over-thinker, a planner like me, I had no idea what came next. I didn’t know what to do.  What would become of him? What was around the corner for us as parents? What would this little human would do with his life? Who would he become? What would be his challenges? How would he affect the world and the people around him? How would our lives ever be the same?

My new blog shares those sentiments.  Words like anticipation, hope, fear, worry, excitement and gratitude for a chance to start something new fill my brain. I am unsure about what lies ahead but I am anxious for the chance to see where it goes and who Thera-Mom becomes or effects in the world. I am fearful no one will read it or care what I have to say but I am trusting that things will work out the way they are supposed to. I am taking a leap of faith and know that someone will catch me if I fall.

I remember thinking after my son was born that all the books I had read didn’t prepare me for what motherhood was all about. Sure those books told me how to rectally take his temperature (not a mothering highlight) or how to use that turkey baster thingy to suck the snot out of his nose or how to put a frozen bag of peas on my boobs because they hurt so bad from his constant nursing.  But they didn’t tell me the important things like suddenly noticing all the crazy drivers on the road who could cause danger to my little angel, or how there is nothing cuter than a baby yawning or sneezing, or how I would sob the first day I had to go back to work and leave him with a babysitter. It prepared me for the basics but not for the emotions.

As I prepare to give birth to my first blog, I know the basics but not the emotions. I will continue to write the way I have for so many years and I will continue to just be myself. That’s really all I know. I will write from the heart and say to hell with proper grammar or sentence structure (advanced apologies to any English teachers). I will make mistakes and possibly have letdowns and disappointments. I know that there is so much I do not know and I am okay with that.

Becoming a Mom was/is the scariest thing I have ever done. It is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  I have loved stronger than I knew possible, yelled more than I thought I would, laughed harder than imaginable, said things I wish I could take back, tried to raise good kids who treat others with kindness and compassion, read more stories and scratched more backs,  hid in my closet to avoid one more game of Go-Fish, fed my kids M&M’s to go pee in the toilet and cried at night looking at them as they slept because they owned my heart.

I hope giving birth to my blog is the same. It’s scary and it’s unknown but I have huge hopes it teaches me about life and connects me to people who will make me a better Thera-Mom. After all, connection is what it is all about.

Everyone’s birthing experiences are different as I imagine people’s blogging experiences are. Giving birth make us feel vulnerable as does blogging. It takes courage to give birth and I am learning it takes a boatload of courage to start a blog. I look forward to walking life with people and not just sharing my thoughts, but hearing your thoughts as well.

I am finding that as I give birth to my first blog, I am giving birth to new possibilities within myself and new opportunities around me. Life isn’t about finding your self, it is about creating yourself.