Last week I was invited to join a group of women to see the recently released movie “It Ends with Us”. I had not read the book so I went into the movie thinking it was a rom-com. .

I was incorrect.

It is a love story, but not a romantic love story. It is a damaged love story. It is about new love, old love, painful love and dangerous love. It dives into the complex issue of domestic violence and abusive relationships. It explores deep themes such as cyclical abuse, toxic patterns and childhood trauma. It is an important topic that needs to be talked about, especially with our younger generation.

Dating abuse can happen to anyone and we need to talk about these signs so our teenagers know how to navigate what a healthy relationship is and what the red flags are. No one is immune to dating abuse– it can happen to a good student, an athlete, a student leader, a quiet young person or a happy person.

Wreckless love does not discriminate.

It is our job to have casual (sometimes uncomfortable) conversations to help identify the red flags of the dating world. Why casual? Because young people respond better to conversations that feel more like easy dialogue and less like being preached at or judged. Aim to be more communicative than confrontive. Think of it as an ongoing conversation that leaves room for deeper sharing when they feel they are ready or need it.

Here are 10 red flags our teenagers need to recognize when it comes to young relationships:

They move too fast, too soon. Relationship milestones come quickly. Be cautious of declarations of love and a forever from someone who is just getting to know you.

It feels like they cut you off from your friends, parents, and family. They try to convince you that they know you better than anyone else. Good relationships create more closeness with the people you love. Bad relationships create division.

They open up faster, more deeply and seem charming and perfect. Until they don’t get their way and you see another side of them.

They don’t trust you, even if you have never given them a reason not to. They want to check your phone, monitor your social media and control what you do, where you are, what you wear or who you are with.

They threaten to do something drastic if the relationship ends.

They blame their bad mood or anger on you and pick fights so you feel the need to constantly change your behavior to avoid upsetting them.

They are possessive of you and your time and their jealousy makes you nervous or uncomfortable. You find yourself feeling smothered.

They embarrass, disrespect or humiliate you in front of others and pass it off as funny.

You feel pressured to do things you don’t want to do.

They demand immediate replies to their messages and expect you to always answer, regardless of what you are doing. You are expected to always be available.

As parents we need to have conversations about toxic codes of conduct and explain what is unacceptable in a relationship. Help them identify the difference between deal breakers and less than ideal behaviors. Let them know that abuse from a boyfriend or girlfriend is not just physical but can also be mental, emotional and verbal. Violence comes in many forms and not all forms are visible. Make sure they don’t confuse cruelty for love.

Empower them to trust their gut instinct if something is telling them that the situation feels problematic or draining. Be brave and ask for help. Offer them acceptance, acknowledgement and a safe place to talk. Educate them on being assertive- the middle ground between aggression and passivity.

Remind them that relationships are meant to bring you up, not tear you down and that they should feel supported and cared for no matter the circumstances. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, safety and trust.

Everyone is deserving of that.