Last week I had a terrible day. Absolutely awful. My phone froze and I lost everything- all my text messages, contacts, calendar and all my apps. It felt disastrous.
I did not handle it well.
I found myself thinking in absolutes. Technology things always happen to me. I never know what to do when it comes to electronics. I am so bad at understanding phones and how to back it up. My day/weekend is ruined.
Worst. Day. Ever.
Deep down I knew this wasn’t true because there are so many other things that could have gone wrong in my life that would have been waaaaay worse than losing everything off my phone. I mean, it’s just a phone, right? But there is I was, caught in a negative brain loop that I allowed to ruin two full days.
Shame on me.
I needed to step back—pause and reflect– to see things a little clearer. Breathe.
Only when I had space did I see what I had been overlooking.
Life is more about some’s than it is about all’s. All’s can derail us. Thinking in all’s can make us lose sight of self-compassion and treat ourselves (and others) like a failure. When we expect things to always work out, we are forgetting that life throws curve balls, and all’s leave no room for adjustments. All’s create painful and unrealistic standards and set us up to view the world in extremes: good or bad, yes, or no, all or never.
The truth is that some’s add gray to our world. Gray is good. It brings us to the middle. It challenges all or nothing thinking. It allows us to be gentle and forgiving with ourselves and the expectations we set. Some’s offer us tolerance, compassion, peace and most importantly hope.
When we think in some’s, we realize life isn’t that bad and we are going to be okay.
- Some days are incredible and so much fun.
- Some days are shitty and flat-out suck.
- Some days I want to go on adventures and see the world.
- Some days I want to just lay in bed and binge watch Netflix.
- Some days I think I’ve got this mom-thing down.
- Some days I can’t even remember how old my kids are.
- Some days everything makes sense.
- Some days I feel clueless.
- Some days I’m on top of the world.
- Some days I’m exhausted and worn down.
- Some days are great hair days.
- Some days I need a beanie.
- Some days I can conquer the world.
- Some days I have to convince myself to shower and brush my teeth.
- Some days should come with confetti and a parade.
- Some days should come with a warning.
- Some days I am a goddess.
- Some days I am a hot mess.
- Some days I need love and people.
- Some days I need space and alone.
- Some days I’m like Tigger.
- Some days I’m more Eeyore.
- Some days I sing the music.
- Some days I need the lyrics.
- Some days I would lay my life on a train track for my husband.
- Some days… I would miss him.
- Some days I like the girl in the mirror.
- Some days she is not my friend.
- Some days I’m thankful for all the good people and things in my life.
- Some days I am just thankful for DoorDash and Spanx.
- Some days just click.
- Some days are harder than others.
When we think with “some” instead of with “all” we offer ourselves grace. We realize that life ebbs and flows and we simply must ride it out. Knowing that behind every bad moment, or bad day or bad month stands a good moment, good day, or good month waiting to happen. Having faith that life will eventually balance out is what helps us get through the times of stress, struggle, and pain.
Some’s give us hope and optimism for what will come next.
Some’s let us embrace various shades of gray. Days can have both good and bad moments without it capitalizing all your emotions in one direction. Life can live on a spectrum and that allows us to approach each situation as it unfolds. Living in the gray means accepting life as it flows.
Changing my thought process allowed me to see that while I experienced a hard day and it created a ton of extra work and stress in my life, it was just one day. Hard days will happen. I am positive there will be more days just like it or sadly, ones that will be even worse but living in the gray will help me get through even the worst of days.
It’s up to me to change the lens from which I approach this crazy life. Removing the slant that sees life in absolutes means I can let more sunlight in to see all the different shades of grey each day offers. Gray is actually a really beautiful color—with so many possibilities, tones and options– if you give it a chance.
As a matter of fact, I’m willing to bet there are way more than 50 shades of gray!!
Kelly, this is so true and I found myself relating to these words.
Everyday is different and feel all those things sometimes!
The all or nothing thinking is the worst and I have to remind myself this all the time. Thanks for validating this. Love you girl!