My daughter, almost a senior in college, asked my advice on something this weekend. My answer was simple.

“I trust you to make the right decision for yourself and support whatever you do”.

Of course I had an opinion, but when our kids get older it’s important to let them make their own decisions. It’s her life, not mine. My job, as her mom, is to be present and meet her whenever she is.

And love her unconditionally.

Judgment has no place in parenting. If you can’t help yourself and need to be judgy, judge a crazy neighbor or your mother-in-law (kidding!) but don’t do it with your kids. They deserve better than a parent who offers unsolicited advice and sees them with a judgy heart.

As a parent, our job is to trust our birdies and remind them to trust themselves. They have good internal compasses and we want them to trust that compass so they know where to turn when life feels overwhelming.

We want them to listen closely to the quiet voice from inside their heart and follow that, even if they have to redirect or make a u-turn somewhere along their journey. They learn the most by making decisions, not following directions.

Rather than protecting them from struggle, our aim should be to support them THROUGH struggle.

Real trust with our children as they get older doesn’t control, demand or try to fix all their boo-boo’s. It says shit happens and you will be okay. It says I chose peace over panic and I believe in you and your ability to handle your decisions.

It says go be great, but if you stumble or fall, I’m here and I’ll meet you with grace and love wherever you land.

And it says, I will pray hard for you… always and forever.