As August draws near and parents prepare for back-to-school, be mindful that your child might not be as excited as you are for them to return to school—especially those in middle school and high school. While parents see the excitement of a new year and new opportunities, pre-teens and teenagers look it as the start of new challenges, new teachers, new classes, new schedule’s, and new pressures.

The transition back from summer vacation is tricky and the back-to-school blues are legit.

Friendships often shift during the summer. People who they considered good friends at the end of last year might not have spoken all summer. Some teenagers feel more isolated, watching friends gather on Snapchat having a great time while they were not included or invited. Coming back can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Many young people return hesitant and uncertain. The start of school can feel as if they have to establish their identity all over again. It’s common to have a fear of rejection or being cancelled by their peers, especially after a long break.

Teenage bodies are forever growing and changing. Some kids will come back bigger and stronger, others might come back heavier or with acne, and some will come back feeling bad about themselves simply because they haven’t changed enough.

Insecurities peak during times of change and transition. Body image, connectivity and self confidence get challenged when teenagers circle back after being apart all summer and it feels scary.

What can parents do? Practice patience. Speak once, listen twice. Be mindful that stress and anxiety often comes out as agitation and irritation with teenagers. If your teenager is snappy or seems angry, it could just be the pre-start jitters. Offer a space for them to talk and encourage them to see what their strengths are— sense of humor, hard worker, kind, etc. Help them think of other times when they had to adjust and how those strengths helped get them through.

If they open up, offer praise for being honest and remind them that most of their classmates (and teachers) feel anxious or nervous on day one as well. Being open about their emotions lays the groundwork for finding tools for navigating and developing coping skills.

As much as we parents want to impart wisdom and share what our experience was, most young people don’t want to hear it. The truth is, we didn’t have the same experience because for most of us, social media was not part of our teenage years. And that factor alone complicates everything.

They are right, it’s not the same.

Let their experience be their experience, without comparing it to yours. Don’t try to solve their concerns- just let them express themselves and feel supported in whatever they feel. Tell them that the first few days may be rough and that it is okay to not be euphoric about a new school year, but to carry their uncertainty on their shoulders (no shame in feeling it), keep those shoulders back, take a deep breath and walk tall. Courage is not the absence of fear but the triumph over it.
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