Recently a dear friends mom passed after a long battle with cancer. The older I get, this season of life becomes inevitable. Our parents aging, dealing with illnesses and facing their mortality. And even though we are adults that should be equipped to deal with variety of emotions and feelings, losing a parent is a major loss- it’s like losing a part of oneself.
My friend had been sitting with her sweet mother as the end neared and surrounded her mom with by love and support as she crossed the bridge. She was physically and emotionally spent after but had a memorial service to plan. She wanted to do something lovely and respectful to honor her life but when grief strikes, it can feel like too much.
When you lose someone you love,
it is paralyzing. Debilitating. Emotionally taxing. Overwhelming.
Trying to order death certificates, deal with bank issues, pick out special pictures, and decide on final arrangements can cause us to stumble when our hearts are broken. It’s all you can do get out of bed and brush your teeth, not to mention making what feels like 100 decisions that cause our brains feel like it’s exploding.
They started to plan for the service when my grieving friend hit a point. You know, that point. She couldn’t make another decision. It was too much. As they talked about the after-service gathering and hosting everyone at her home for lunch, she finally spoke up and said to her husband three of the most powerful words a woman can say: “Please, call the girls”.
I’m so proud she had the ability, in that painful moment, to know she needed help and even more proud that she had an immediate solution to her feelings of being overwhelmed and flooded with too much on her to do list.
Call the girls.
Nothing else needed to be said. Her husband knew what to do (smart man!). He called one girlfriend who started the group text with two other girlfriends and the planning began.
The three women went into “mode”— and if you are a woman, you know exactly what I’m talking about. “Girlfriend mode” means we don’t ask, we just do. We step in, we take over, we cross the t’s and dot the i’s. We collaborate on what/when needs to be done, who will do what, divide the jobs and come up with a plan. We understand each other and we take care of business.
We trust our girls the way we trust ourselves.
Don’t mess with a woman if she is in girlfriend-mode. You know the song “Eye of the Tiger”… that was written about girlfriend-mode. When it comes to taking care of our girlfriends, we are locked in and we take charge. Stand in our way and we will mow you down. We don’t mess around.
And let me report, “the girls” killed it. (Is that appropriate to say about a funeral?). They did amazing. They stepped up and they stepped in. They removed that worry from their dear friends plate and gave her one less thing to stress about. They gave their heartbroken friend such a beautiful gift- the gift of having the emotional space to say a proper goodbye to her wonderful mother. They gave her time to feel sadness and room to process what mattered most- a peaceful and loving final moment with her precious mom.
What a gift.
All women need girlfriends that if we say “Call the girls”, our family knows what do. One call, one text and everything will be handled.
Women are amazing creatures.
We multitask and we nurture. We gather and we support. We can plan a luncheon on a dime and we can organize what is needed. We remember to ice the drinks, grab the utensils and purchase fresh flowers for the centerpieces. We make casseroles, clean toilets and bring dinner when our friends need it. We connect and we bond.
The spirit of the sisterhood. Nothing like it.
It’s a powerful thing. When we can be unapologetically ourselves with our female friends, the value is immeasurable. It creates an unshakable bond that says “I’ve got your back, no matter what”.
Women are better together. Women are fierce together. Women strengthen each other and having “the girls” makes us both lucky and blessed.
It’s not diamonds that are a woman’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds.
“She is my friend. She’s my family. My insides. She will be fine because she has to be fine. That’s how important she is to me.”~~ Carrie Bradshaw